Amanda, I was active in your life, (I'm her mother) when this crisis happened in you. But I didn't know. I didn't see. I found out at when I read this article. I'm asking myself how I missed this. It's something I am giving a lot of thought.
I am moved to hear your story Amanda and appreciate the genuineness in sharing it with others. It’s interesting to know you learnt to meditate early on in life. It’s not always easy but gets you closer to the truth.
My daughter Amanda gave me a beautiful blue calendar for Christmas. She told me you are the artist and gave me this way to connect with you. The octopus bulgaris is looking at me from January. Her arms are curled up. If it were me, it would be in delight. Her eyes are looking at me half-curious and half-detached. I paint watercolors too. I paint only flowers. I love what you've done with the blue shading and drawings on the characters. I love the personalities in these sea animals you depict. So, thank you for the calendar and thank you for the paintings. I will enjoy your work throughout the year.
It is heartwarming to read your msg Mariana. Especially when it’s coming from another artist. And so glad you are enjoying the paintings.
You have a beautiful imagination, the way you can see through the paintings and feel a connection with it is rare. I would love to see more of your work.
Thank you for showing me hope on the daily. And thank you for starting a caregiver space. I have been praying to find a place where I can talk to others who are experiencing the same pain I am caring for my mother. Once again, you offer me a gossamer thread of hope and I will grasp it with both hands.
Thank you, Amanda. I'm glad you're here. This work is not for the faint of heart. Thanks for the nudge on Daughtering. I've spent the morning digging up some drafts and seeing if I can share something soon. Hugs to you.
No need to rush or feel pressured. I’m happy to be a part of you taking your time to say what you need to say. It is hard work and you need to give yourself the space to write about it first.
Also we share very similar reasons for what we write. I write about the animals because it’s a way I can find beauty and hope and love in the world that brings a little light to an otherwise very dark feeling existence while I sit in the in between of life and death with my mother and her partner.
This offering is so moving I’m left without words. Quiet reverence and gratitude take their place. I want to gift you something. Going yo follow up over in DM.
Wow, Amanda. What a journey you’ve been on. Thanks for sharing it. Beautiful essay! I’m so glad you’ve been able to get through and make your positive dent on the world here. We’re all the luckier and more hopeful for it.
Amanda . . You Light up the World! Both Around us + Inside us, too! (And What Gifts
And You Help Us Remember (some) of Who we Are!
And maybe Why we might have Arrived here (Now). As there are Always things Waiting for Us!
And 🌷even Now!
And You, dear girl, are incredibly Special + Loving + Humble + so Giving + Amazing + Tender, + Remarkable! And (so very) Brave!
And we love your Light. And your many Gifts! And your Brave + Tender ways of Exploring the World. And so many Challenges!
Thank you for Being! Here! And Now! For You + Your *Gifts of Deep Soul.* And Vision! And the Courage to Explore the Deep Waters of Life! And the Soul!
And for Being so Very Loving + Open, Caring + Embracing! And Funny! And Daunting! And (Yes) very Courageous! (Even when you might think you are Not) 🌲 Blessings, my Dear Friend ♥️
Great piece of writing, Amanda. And I know it’s no easy thing to talk candidly about personal struggles in a public forum. So, thanks for your insights and also your bravery. I would have to agree, without hope we’re pretty well screwed. Happy new year!
You are setting more of an example than you realize. We rural Northern California mountain river ocean women have a lot in common. And I love the song and movie you chose.
This is so gutsy and beautifully told, so immediate and personal.
And now, looking in through this window your woven storytelling has opened I begin to see you, begin to understand some of the energy behind your work.
A beautiful and touching essay, Amanda. I admire your candor and how much your hopeful personality comes out through your writing of a truly difficult time in your life. Your writing gives me hope, for which I thank you 🙏 I came here later than many other readers, but I am very glad I
waited. I had time to digest everything you wrote so eloquently about your river, your mom and your beloved Echo. ♥️
Amanda, the beauty of your spirit, the struggle, the immediacy of your experiences—I'm grateful for your sharing each of these. I feel more connected to the world, and to you, for having read this.
First time commenting on Substack and I earlier hit a send button by accident. (I’m sure there’s got to be an edit button somewhere.) Amanda, I was deeply moved by your words. Beautifully written and relatable in so many ways - from despair to hope and the profound journey to get there.
This sentence particularly hit me: “Humans don’t achieve anything without hope. Permanent outrage is not a strategy.”
In many journalism circles, we sometimes hold cynicism like a badge of honor, like being part of a club. It took years to learn this is unhealthy on many levels and does nothing to improve our well being. It’s hard sometimes. It has become a daily practice for me, reminding myself that if I don’t practice mindfulness, I can fall back into the same trappings. Your Mom is so wise, and your own wisdom gleaned in this journey down the river of life is beautiful. I love it.
I’m so glad you’re able to sleep. Insomnia is debilitating. I’ve been sleeping better for the past two years using similar vitamin strategies and breathing techniques. Peace, blessings and love to
Thank you for your kind words, Jeff. Yes, there's so much to leave behind with old-school journalism. Yes, it was so exhilarating but so unhealthy. The daily pursuit of that battle between sources feels toxic in retrospect.
Do we know each other? Because if you're the Jeff I think you are, it's very nice to hear from you.
Yes, I know what you mean. Had I known then at the TDT what I know now, I would have been better equipped to separate and decompress from the grind of those days. Many of us in the profession mistakenly confuse cynicism for skepticism, which brings a lot of baggage to journalism. I attempted to explain my past newsroom culture experiences to my dad recently. The best parts were the teamwork, passion to always do better, go one step beyond, one more read, one more source, tighten sentences, passive to active, the humor, the coffee, etc. But this profession, (to borrow a line from “No Country for Old Men”) “is hard on people.” It took a similar journey as yours and self inventory to break out my patterns of cynicism. Not to say the challenges are any easier. In many respects, they’re much harder because we didn’t have social media back then. You did great work at the Trib, Amanda. You were years ahead of your time. I’m glad you’re bringing it back in a form that brings out the passion you’ve always had. Great to hear from you too. I’m glad we’ve reconnected.
Wow, Amanda. <3 This piece moves me even more deeply this second time around. You are so gifted, and also a rare human. I'm sending you so much love in this New Year.
Thank you thank you thank you. It's so odd to think I wouldn't be here without your decision to launch your newsletter here. Do you remember? I emailed and said, "I need an editor and a beta reader and this and that" and you said, "Just do it." So I did! Eternally grateful.🙏🏼
Amanda, I was active in your life, (I'm her mother) when this crisis happened in you. But I didn't know. I didn't see. I found out at when I read this article. I'm asking myself how I missed this. It's something I am giving a lot of thought.
Dear Mom, some things we have to do alone.
I am moved to hear your story Amanda and appreciate the genuineness in sharing it with others. It’s interesting to know you learnt to meditate early on in life. It’s not always easy but gets you closer to the truth.
My daughter Amanda gave me a beautiful blue calendar for Christmas. She told me you are the artist and gave me this way to connect with you. The octopus bulgaris is looking at me from January. Her arms are curled up. If it were me, it would be in delight. Her eyes are looking at me half-curious and half-detached. I paint watercolors too. I paint only flowers. I love what you've done with the blue shading and drawings on the characters. I love the personalities in these sea animals you depict. So, thank you for the calendar and thank you for the paintings. I will enjoy your work throughout the year.
It is heartwarming to read your msg Mariana. Especially when it’s coming from another artist. And so glad you are enjoying the paintings.
You have a beautiful imagination, the way you can see through the paintings and feel a connection with it is rare. I would love to see more of your work.
Thank you, Ankita. Perhaps I shouldn't compare, but it seems that I was better at meditating back when I was younger.
Thank you for showing me hope on the daily. And thank you for starting a caregiver space. I have been praying to find a place where I can talk to others who are experiencing the same pain I am caring for my mother. Once again, you offer me a gossamer thread of hope and I will grasp it with both hands.
Thank you, Amanda. I'm glad you're here. This work is not for the faint of heart. Thanks for the nudge on Daughtering. I've spent the morning digging up some drafts and seeing if I can share something soon. Hugs to you.
No need to rush or feel pressured. I’m happy to be a part of you taking your time to say what you need to say. It is hard work and you need to give yourself the space to write about it first.
Also we share very similar reasons for what we write. I write about the animals because it’s a way I can find beauty and hope and love in the world that brings a little light to an otherwise very dark feeling existence while I sit in the in between of life and death with my mother and her partner.
This offering is so moving I’m left without words. Quiet reverence and gratitude take their place. I want to gift you something. Going yo follow up over in DM.
Thank you. I'm grateful for your words and your offer.🙏🏼
Wow, Amanda. What a journey you’ve been on. Thanks for sharing it. Beautiful essay! I’m so glad you’ve been able to get through and make your positive dent on the world here. We’re all the luckier and more hopeful for it.
Thank you, Jono 🙏🏼
Funny how many of us are writing about rivers, each in our own way.
I've learned so much from the writers here.
Amanda . . You Light up the World! Both Around us + Inside us, too! (And What Gifts
And You Help Us Remember (some) of Who we Are!
And maybe Why we might have Arrived here (Now). As there are Always things Waiting for Us!
And 🌷even Now!
And You, dear girl, are incredibly Special + Loving + Humble + so Giving + Amazing + Tender, + Remarkable! And (so very) Brave!
And we love your Light. And your many Gifts! And your Brave + Tender ways of Exploring the World. And so many Challenges!
Thank you for Being! Here! And Now! For You + Your *Gifts of Deep Soul.* And Vision! And the Courage to Explore the Deep Waters of Life! And the Soul!
And for Being so Very Loving + Open, Caring + Embracing! And Funny! And Daunting! And (Yes) very Courageous! (Even when you might think you are Not) 🌲 Blessings, my Dear Friend ♥️
dear Kin,
you’ve made hope visible.🌱🌿💚
Thank you, Katharine.🙏🏼
I so appreciate your honesty in sharing your deeply challenging struggle. Like the other stories you share, it is an inspiring story of resilience.
I’m a taking this with me: “To meet hope, say its name, grab its hand, and wield it to get out of that tunnel of darkness.” 🙏
Thank you, Leah. 🙏🏼 That's right, say its name. It's a good first step.
I loved your "does the river love you back" post. I do believe it does. ❤️
Thank you!
Great piece of writing, Amanda. And I know it’s no easy thing to talk candidly about personal struggles in a public forum. So, thanks for your insights and also your bravery. I would have to agree, without hope we’re pretty well screwed. Happy new year!
Thank you, Thomas 🙏🏼
This gives your posts meaningful context. Makes it come to life for me. Perfect for 2026.
Thanks so much, Kim.🙏🏼
You are setting more of an example than you realize. We rural Northern California mountain river ocean women have a lot in common. And I love the song and movie you chose.
Bravo!
This is so gutsy and beautifully told, so immediate and personal.
And now, looking in through this window your woven storytelling has opened I begin to see you, begin to understand some of the energy behind your work.
And I am grateful.
Thank you, Dear Amanda.
I'm so grateful for you, David. 🙏🏼
Thanks for sharing your story Amanda, and for reminding us that we can choose to hope.
Thank you, Mike. It's been great to encounter writers like you here.
A beautiful and touching essay, Amanda. I admire your candor and how much your hopeful personality comes out through your writing of a truly difficult time in your life. Your writing gives me hope, for which I thank you 🙏 I came here later than many other readers, but I am very glad I
waited. I had time to digest everything you wrote so eloquently about your river, your mom and your beloved Echo. ♥️
Thank you so much, Anne.
Amanda, the beauty of your spirit, the struggle, the immediacy of your experiences—I'm grateful for your sharing each of these. I feel more connected to the world, and to you, for having read this.
I'm grateful for you🙏🏼❤️
First time commenting on Substack and I earlier hit a send button by accident. (I’m sure there’s got to be an edit button somewhere.) Amanda, I was deeply moved by your words. Beautifully written and relatable in so many ways - from despair to hope and the profound journey to get there.
This sentence particularly hit me: “Humans don’t achieve anything without hope. Permanent outrage is not a strategy.”
In many journalism circles, we sometimes hold cynicism like a badge of honor, like being part of a club. It took years to learn this is unhealthy on many levels and does nothing to improve our well being. It’s hard sometimes. It has become a daily practice for me, reminding myself that if I don’t practice mindfulness, I can fall back into the same trappings. Your Mom is so wise, and your own wisdom gleaned in this journey down the river of life is beautiful. I love it.
I’m so glad you’re able to sleep. Insomnia is debilitating. I’ve been sleeping better for the past two years using similar vitamin strategies and breathing techniques. Peace, blessings and love to
you and your family. Jeff
Thank you for your kind words, Jeff. Yes, there's so much to leave behind with old-school journalism. Yes, it was so exhilarating but so unhealthy. The daily pursuit of that battle between sources feels toxic in retrospect.
Do we know each other? Because if you're the Jeff I think you are, it's very nice to hear from you.
Yes, I know what you mean. Had I known then at the TDT what I know now, I would have been better equipped to separate and decompress from the grind of those days. Many of us in the profession mistakenly confuse cynicism for skepticism, which brings a lot of baggage to journalism. I attempted to explain my past newsroom culture experiences to my dad recently. The best parts were the teamwork, passion to always do better, go one step beyond, one more read, one more source, tighten sentences, passive to active, the humor, the coffee, etc. But this profession, (to borrow a line from “No Country for Old Men”) “is hard on people.” It took a similar journey as yours and self inventory to break out my patterns of cynicism. Not to say the challenges are any easier. In many respects, they’re much harder because we didn’t have social media back then. You did great work at the Trib, Amanda. You were years ahead of your time. I’m glad you’re bringing it back in a form that brings out the passion you’ve always had. Great to hear from you too. I’m glad we’ve reconnected.
I often think of TDT as my favorite job ever.
I'm glad you've reminded me of the best parts. Very true.
I was overconfident back then. Who isn't when they are young. : )
The river has rapids, quiet eddys and stretches of pleasant currents.
We canoe in all three.
I enjoyed your post.
From a Zen-Methodist, be well, be safe.
So true. Thank you.
The world needs more Zen-Methodists.
Wow, Amanda. <3 This piece moves me even more deeply this second time around. You are so gifted, and also a rare human. I'm sending you so much love in this New Year.
Thank you thank you thank you. It's so odd to think I wouldn't be here without your decision to launch your newsletter here. Do you remember? I emailed and said, "I need an editor and a beta reader and this and that" and you said, "Just do it." So I did! Eternally grateful.🙏🏼
I do remember that, but I like to believe the spirit would have drawn you here one way or the other. I'm happy to have been the catalyst, though!